Good morning, lovelies! Yes, I’ve done another goth tag listing my Perfect Imperfections. I saw this tag done by a fellow goth YouTuber, skullgirdle, and decided to do it, too. In this tag, I list 3 things I like about myself and 3 things I do NOT like about myself. Of course, I have more than 3 likes and dislikes, but the tag only calls for 3 each.
I hope you all enjoy this tag. What are YOUR perfect imperfections? Feel free to comment and/or make your own video on this tag.
apothecary /əˈpäTHəˌkerē/ – late Middle English, noun: a person who prepared and sold medicines and drugs
Hello, lovelies! In this video, I review 4 red wines from Apothic Wines. The only one I’ve tried before is Apothic Red, which I really like. But while I was on Amazon, I saw that Apothic makes 4 red wines: Apothic Red, Apothic Dark, Apothic Crush, and Apothic Inferno.
I was wondering what “apothic” meant, so I looked it up. The word seems to be made up and is strictly a brand name. The closest word I found was apothecary, which still seems to fit with alcohol consumption.
Here are a few of my tasting notes. If you need a little help, Wine Folly is an excellent resource for beginners. Just click on the “Blog” tab for more information and how-tos.
I hope you all enjoyed my review. Have you tried any of Apothic wines? I know that Apothic makes a white wine (Apothic White), but after looking I see that they also have a sparkling wine (Apothic Sparkling) and a rosé (Apothic Rose)! Looks like I’ll have to do another review.
Hello, SoulFlowers! Yesterday, I turned 45 years old. Gasp! I can’t believe that I’m in my mid-forties. In this live video, I discuss age, life, creativity, and future plans for my channel. I managed to ramble for almost 3 hours but don’t worry, timestamps are listed below the video.
Hello, dear lovelies! A few weeks back, a goth tag was started by Toxic Tears called “My 10 Goth Clichés”. Although this tag was started by Toxic Tears, I had learned about this tag from another goth YouTuber, Orphea333. I hadn’t done a goth tag in a long while, so I decided to give this a go.
I hope you all enjoy listening to my 10 goth clichés. What are your goth clichés? Feel free to share in the comments.
Hello, lovelies! On Saturday, I posted my very first live stream on YouTube! It was also my first Q&A. It went fairly well, but I still have a lot to learn. I will definitely be doing this again.
This Q&A has 2 parts. The first part was cut off by YouTube and I lost the connection. I was going to end it there but there were viewers waiting, wondering what happened. So I decided to continue the live stream, creating a Part 2.
I hope you all enjoy these 2 videos. The next live stream will go much smoother, hopefully. I’m still working on the audio for my videos. *sad face*
Hello, dear SoulFlowers! You might be wondering, “What’s up with the title?” Or maybe not. A few months ago, a question was asked: “Can you be a goth without listening to goth music?” in which many of us answered. My answer was, “No”. A few other goths disagreed. After much discussion, another question started floating around YouTube:
“Okay. So how many bands do you need to listen to in order to be a goth?”
I think this is a good question and I have an answer, which you can see in this video:
In the second part of the video, I discuss goth fashion and how extreme you need to be to embrace the goth lifestyle. I won’t tell you here, but you can check out my answer in the video.
Do you agree with my answers in the video? Why or why not? Please share in the comments.
Black, female, and atheist. It’s a rarity to be all three here in the United States world and I decided to tell my story on video. We atheists are a lone breed – especially if you’re black; especially if you’re black AND female. I had already posted my story back in 2014, but I decided to make a video about it.
Seven years ago in 2009, I “came out” as an atheist before heading over to my mother’s house for Thanksgiving. Every year prior, each member of the family would say what they were thankful for and then, say a small prayer to thank God for everything in our lives. I didn’t want to spring this news over Thanksgiving dinner, so it was time to call my mother – a sweet woman, but VERY Christian. Her faith gave her joy and comfort, and she took it very seriously. I was really nervous, but I knew I had to tell her.
She wasn’t too happy about it. She was quite concerned, and worried about my “soul”. After much discussion and prayer, she finally accepted my atheism. But even before she died, my mother was convinced that God was real. “But he’s taking you away from us”, I said. “No, no, no. He’s not taking me away. You will see me again when Jesus comes to take us home.” I smiled at her and left it at that.
So, here’s a video of my story: how it feels to be black, female and atheist in a world of believers. I hope you enjoy hearing my story. TTFN!
Hello, lovelies. Yesterday’s outfit was inspired by August’s birth stone, Peridot. Although this birthstone is not as popular as some of the others, peridot is one of my favorite gemstones. The vivid, lime green is hard to resist and it looks great against black.
Peridots (along with diamonds) are the only gemstones that are not formed within the Earth’s crust. Peridots are formed from molten rock of the Earth’s upper crust, brought forth by the force of volcanoes and earthquakes. With it’s lime- to olive-green color, peridots represent late summer and early fall, when the leaves start to change from bright green to red, yellow, and then brown. Peridot was known as the “true Topaz” in ancient times, which comes from Topazos, named after Topazios Island in the Red Sea where the gem was first discovered. The Egyptians held a monopoly over Topazios Island and was mined exclusively for kings. “Peridot” comes from the Arabic word for “gem”, which is faridat. Today, Peridot is still the National Gemstone of Egypt.
PERIDOT INFO & SYMBOLISM
TITLE: The Extreme Gem
COLORS: Yellowish-green to olive green
MOHS SCALE HARDNESS: 7.0
ZODIAC SIGN: Libra (September 23 – October 22)
DEITY: Pele, Hawaiian goddess of fire and volcanoes. Also honors Pax, Roman goddess of peace and prosperity, and Lakshmi, Hindu goddess of fortune and abundance.
DIVINATION: “Rely on luck and take a chance on a new offer or opportunity rather than holding back.”
CHAKRA: Heart (4)
HEALING PROPERTIES: Balances the endocrine system, supports the digestive system, and helps strengthen the eyes in relation to nearsightedness and astigmatism.
Here’s what I wore for Peridot. It’s still summer, so I wore clothing that is lightweight. All of my clothes were purchased on Amazon and Ebay.
Here’s my face. This green bindi is one of my favorite ones. The green is vivid and so pretty. Instead of eyeliner on my bottom lids, I applied 3 coats of mascara. I think I like this look and it’s good for an older face.
Below my signature is another OOTD video. I’m dancing a little bit in this video and I swear that I’m a better dancer than this! The focus was on the outfit and makeup, so I wasn’t too focused on what I was doing. Oh, wells.
“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.” – Rita Mae Brown
In 2006, at the age of 33, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I have been taking an anti-depressant (SSRI) since then and it has helped me to be more functional in life.
Or has it?
It’s been almost 10 years since my first diagnosis and although the anti-depressants have helped reduce my suicidal tendencies, I have not been functioning well lately. Actually, I was doing okay until 2012, the year my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She died 3 months later in August. I was barely hanging on, but was able to slowly continue on with my life, thanks to friends and family. But, perhaps dealing with their own grief, my aunt (my mother’s sister) and my cousin stopped speaking to me and my sister. The next year, one “friend” stopped speaking to me altogether. He relayed his hurt feelings through my best friend at the time, never giving me the chance to make it right. And then in 2014, my “best friend” dumped me and left me stranded, never speaking to me again (except for threats). No forgiveness. No benefit of the doubt. The end.
This experience of loss has left me feeling jaded, disillusioned, disposable, and absolutely disgusted with people. I’ve always been leery of (American) society, but I tried to get over myself and live my life. But the older I get, the more bullshit I see with the things we are taught. I have simply been brainwashed for the past 42 years and I’m angry about that. I’ve always felt this unease, like something’s not right, since my early twenties. But I (and everyone else) just chalked it up to being a young adult learning the rules of society. However, now that I look back and react to the expectations put on me by other people, I had and have every right to be angry.
I have a constant feeling that the life I am living is not natural. I can feel it. But now I feel trapped.
I came across an article by Martijn Schirp, co-founder of the website, High Existence, titled “Turning the Problem Around Mental Health in a Sick Society”. It talks about the over-diagnosis of mental illness, when a person can’t conform to the society in which they live. Is it mental illness or simply trying to cope with the bullshit?
A quote from the article [emphasis by the author]:
“Because what is a sick society? It is a society where the norm is more important than the people it should protect. It is a place where what is considered normal is decided by corporations that see people as means, not as ends. It is a place that always externalizes the problem. It’s never the system, the schools, the economic system or the structure of government. It’s you. You aren’t a symptom, you are the cause. But as we have seen, this is just one perspective on the situation.”
There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to work 40+ hours a week, with climbing the corporate ladder, or being perfectly fine with life ruled by money, profit margins, and “success” . But if that’s not how you choose to define your life, why is that seen as defective? What other options are there besides the “school-work-die-in-debt” paradigm?
So what is it that I want to do? Well, here’s what I don’t want to do:
“I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.” – Lloyd Dobler, from the movie, Say Anything
What I want to do is simplify my life, while I still have one. I am currently purging useless shit and it’ll take awhile – I’ve got a lot of shit to get rid of. Hopefully, as I get rid of the bullcrap (which includes not just objects, but also obligations, extreme negativity, unnecessary stress, etc.) I can focus more on my living environment, including my home, which is my sanctuary. I am not a person that does well with stress, especially on top of dealing with depression. And close friendships? Fine, if it happens. If not? Oh well.
In short, this year I need to focus on my health and not just my physical health, but also my mental health. Despite the stigma around mental illness (which is awful) I need to own my feelings and deal with them. Writing this blog post is one way to do it. If it makes people uncomfortable or annoyed then again, oh well. If writing helps my suicidal thoughts to subside, I’m going to do it. I may feel like dying, but I’m not ready to go yet.
Remember, you do not have to suffer alone. You don’t have to hide your illness to make others feel comfortable. If they’re “tired” of “dealing” with the existence of people affected with this disease, they can fuck right off. If you’re a sufferer, please know that you have an ally in me. No matter what people say, you have value as a human being. There has never, and never will be, anyone like you. Love yourself. Own your individuality.
Do you or someone you know struggle with mental illness? What methods do you use to cope?
Today is the first day of 2016 and I am ready for a big change. This is the second year I’m participating in Bat Fit, thanks to the lovely Franny at The Curious Professor Z. It’s nice to be part of a community (especially a goth community) that’s working to improve their health and well-being.
Last year started off well with my resolutions, but by summer they had all gone out the window. The only resolution that I was consistent in was improving my blog. I’m disappointed in myself, but I won’t let that stop me from trying again this year.
This year my health will be my top priority. I HAVE to work on my health. At age 42, my body isn’t as resilient as it once was and I need to work on my overall wellness. Even though I fell off the wagon with yoga, I did love to practice yoga and even for that short time, I noticed a difference in how I felt.
Here are 3 things that I’ll be working on this year:
1. Back to yoga. Last year, I started out taking hot Bikram yoga before changing course to hot Vinyasa yoga. Bikram yoga was okay; I felt a difference in my body. But the instructor at that particular studio was condescending and not very welcoming. I then switched to a different studio where they taught Vinyasa yoga. The rude Bikram yoga instructor ended up doing my a huge favor, because I absolutely LOVE hot Vinyasa yoga. Not only did my body feel better and increased my flexibility (something I desperately need), but it also helped me to sleep better and increase my water intake. Going to hot yoga without being fully hydrated is a bad idea. I also noticed that practicing yoga helped everything else fall into place.
2. Back to the drawing board. I mean this literally. I want to get back into drawing and I’m going to start slow. Since I’ve always drawn, this is an area where I come up with big ideas and not follow through. I need to be patient with myself and just start simply. The big ideas for a work of art will come naturally with practice.
3. Back to simplicity. My third goal is to simplify my life in general. I’m currently working on streamlining my wardrobe and getting rid of useless stuff. I did this 2 years ago, but I didn’t stick with it. This year, I want to simplify and stop buying more useless crap. I really do have enough stuff – more than enough.
One thing I noticed about blogging is, not only do I love to do it, but it also helps me to keep on top of things. Blogging is the only resolution that I kept from last year. Since I post themes every month (such as the OOTD posts inspired by birthstones), this will help me in tracking my progress in health and fitness. So you can expect to see more posts on healthy food, healthy drinks, and my journey in simplification.